It's pronounced "Sen".

My secret dream is just

to have someone

who will talk smart with me about children’s cartoons

and draw and RP with me and drive me to be a better artist and person

so basically a best friend

except

they’d live with me and let me snuggle them and spoon them in our bed every night

and let me be incredibly selfish and selfless towards them because they’re the most important person in the world to me

and I know it’s probably not going to happen because almost everyone out there either would want more from me, or move out when they eventually find someone else to get more from, and I absolutely can’t blame them for that!

and it’s weird because I am like 90% hetero… (not heterosexual I guess, hetero-attracted?) but I’m pretty sure this person would most likely be a girl (or androgynous, genderqueer, just- probably not a cismale) not because I don’t love my friendships with men, but because I feel so much more sexually pressured by men even if they’re totally nice guys just trying to politely find a girlfriend like society and biology tells them to

Ron says they’re trying to start calling relationships that transcend friendship but aren’t romantic “queerplatonic” now so I guess that’s what this is!

but yeah that’s basically all I want in life is like my very own best friend platonic life partner…

I already get so homo with my friends lmao it’s— well I’m really glad I have friends who don’t mind how much I care about them and want to be in physical contact with them… but ofc none of them actually want to be my whatever that is, nor am I certain how to approach that anyway since its…

like it’s so much like a strong friendship that I wouldn’t even know how to broach that topic without just it arising on its own since that’s what friendships /do/. You can speed-date  a stranger but you can’t speed-friend— at least, I can’t. Even if I could, I don’t want to.

And is it like a dating relationship where if one of you realizes this isn’t right for them or they need a boyfriend or you were young and not ready, do you break up? Does it have to hurt the same way as a break up? Is there even such a thing as not “being ready” for something that’s too much like a natural interdependent friendship to really define commitment in the same way as a dating relationship does? What the hell are my chances of finding the few few people who not only are close enough friends with me for me to feel this way, but also want the same from me?

And since it’s so similar to a strong friendship, is it weird or inappropriate of me to treat my friends in a way that is essentially my nonromantic, nonsexual equivalent of “coming on to them”?????

Jesus crust.